Scam-clopedia

While some may find it embarrassing to speak about the time that they were scammed while holidaying in fear of being seen as either “silly” or “oblivious”, I can assure you that you don’t have to feel bad about getting scammed because those folks who criticises are certainly none the wiser. They are probably those who were victim of scams themselves but just didn’t know or dare to admit it. Scams ranges from small-scale ones such as overpriced souvenirs to overcharged cab fares, to the larger-scale ones such as having to pay a hefty compensation fee for a damaged jet ski (a famous scam in Thailand).

Almost every country I’ve been to I’ve been scammed at least once and I’m not proud of it of course.  This problem is especially prominent if you “get down and dirty” like the locals. But I find no better way to appreciate the culture of a country than to live and eat like a local. Even though most of them were rather trivial, it really pisses me off just thinking about it. I will only talk about the scams which I have encountered personally before, with the exception of second hand encounters (through friends/family).

The most important rule to come to terms with is that being a smart, informed and alert traveller will NOT prevent you from getting scammed. Scam artists are called as such (“artists”) because they know when to claw down on you when you least expect it, when your guard is down. It’s extremely exhausting to always be on your guard, I know that ‘cos I’m always on mine whenever I travel abroad. I would always read up about the localised scams, mentally prep myself and even watch self-defence vids on youtube (yup, I’m that paranoid). However, I still occasionally fall prey to scams because of the “small openings” and their modus operandi just wasn’t “textbook” style.

So I guess knowledge is power. There’s no prevention better than knowing. But bear in mind that the diversity of their modus operandi is vast in this ever-changing world. But for whatever it’s worth, I hope that through my sharing, I’m able to at least prevent a handful of you from falling prey to the conniving sons of a b******.

Welcome, to my scam-clopedia…

Cab scams (“Cabbaddies”)

We’ve heard of this one too often. Yet recently (Jun 14), I just fell prey to it in Philippines. *face palm* Cab scams come in various forms. But the most common one is where the cab driver will quote a pre-determined fare instead of running by the meter. And it’s almost definitely more expensive. The textbook advice is to always go by the meter.

While holidaying in Philippines, Mactan Island with my wife, I had requested for our resort to help call a cab for us. I didn’t want to go with the resort’s private pick up because it was more expensive. Much more.

The cab came late. The cab driver was like a middle aged punk, with neon stickers pasted all around his interior. The hotel porter asked him to show and run by the meter. The driver then flipped a plastic case down to show the meter. Suspecting that the driver was a dishonest chap, the porter reminded us to pay only what was shown on the meter.

I didn’t pay particular attention to his advice, because I thought to myself “Wasn’t it obvious?” Guess not. You see, we were rushing to catch a ferry. We had signed up for a day tour in Bohol with a travel agency but had to first take the ferry there by ourselves. We were told to pick up our tickets at their counter based in the ferry terminal.

While in the cab, the cabbaddie was trying to get more information from us, about what time our ferry would leave, what time we’d be coming back, and whether we would need a cab to pick us up. He told us it would be hard to get a cab and that he could wait for us once we returned. It’s a common conversational topic, to digress a bit, even in Vietnam, a cyclo-rider wanted to bring us around to more tourist attractions even though we only told him to bring us to one.

He basically offered us an “additional private tour package”. It’s difficult to reject there and then, because you don’t wanna offend them. There’s a possibility they might make detours and play punk with you. So the way I did it in Vietnam was pretend to be interested, to engage in false discussions with my wife, and when we reached our destination, I rejected the offer. It’s always a good idea to break down your notes, and even though I did, the cyclo-rider told me he didn’t have change for my small denomination bills. I guess the only way to prevent this is to give them exact change, which isn’t feasible most of the time. To note that cyclo-riders in Vietnam have no meter (duh), so we decided on a flat fee, but I turn up paying a bit more than I offered due to the “lack of change” – the “no change scam”.

Getting back to Philippines…  I did the same thing… pretending to be interested, asking about details, fake discussions with my wife… but what I didn’t expect was that the cabbaddie had to pay for a ticket to enter the terminal. By then, timing was tight for us… and when he quoted us the amount, justifying it by saying that the extra cost was for the entrance ticket, we made no particular mental calculation of how much it was. He even said that he would return to pick us up… which he eventually didn’t, needless to say.

It was only after alighting, while waiting at the agency’s counter to get our tickets that I started to do the math. We were overcharged alright. The cost of the ticket turned out to be around 1/4 the price of the cab fare. Though it wasn’t a lot, maybe a sing dollar more or so, it was just frustrating. Despite all the textbook, cyber info about cab fare scams, I still fell prey to it. I should have gotten down to ask the attendant for the exact cost of the ticket, but then again I didn’t have the luxury of time… which is of course what the cabbaddie banked on.  He was a cunning one alright, he fished out the ferry departure time from us earlier so I was sure he had already done his mental calculation. He paced himself well, so much so that time was on his side.

Big change scam

While on the topic of no change scam above, I might as well talk about the big change scam. It didn’t happen to me per se, but it happened to my friend who was standing just beside me at that time. It took place in 2004, while my buddy and I were on an overseas attachment in Scotland. We were based in Ayr, a small humble town with a trust system I was so impressed with. Once again, to digress a bit. In the research institute that we were in, Hannah Research Institute, the cafeteria owners trusted the staff so much that they don’t collect any money on the spot. The employees need simply to drop the cash into a paper cup which was out of the owners’ sight. Talk about trust.

The same “trust” cannot be said to exist throughout Scotland. My friend and I went over to Edinburgh to meet up with a couple of our friends attached there when we decided to grab something to bite from Burger King. When it was during our turn, a homeless woman came up to the cashier and asked if she could change her small change for a 10 pound note. The cashier straight off rejected her, and the homeless woman then turned over to my friend and asked if he could. My kind-hearted friend did just that, and before he could start counting his coins, the lady poofed away like a puff of smoke. We then realised that she only gave my friend 8 pounds worth of coins. 2 pounds back in those days was a whooping S$6 bucks, and though it didn’t bother my friend too much, I was just fuming inside.

Yes, that’s what you get for being too kind sometimes. Be careful not to let your kindness be taken advantage of when you’re overseas, because that’s one of the vulnerable times when your guard is down, like a lamb to the slaughter.

Toilet Scam

This is possibly the most insulting scam that had happened to me. My wife and I were holidaying in Vietnam in Dec 12, and we headed over to one of the main tourist attractions, the One-Pillar Pagoda.  Around the vicinity, there’s a public toilet. The public toilets are mainly chargeable, but it was there that I paid the highest toilet fee ever, close to 1 USD! And to add salt to the wound, I “willingly” paid the toilet aunty, I willingly accepted the scam. The aunty told me that I had to pay 50 cents, but I silli-ly doubled that amount to include both me and my wife. It wasn’t until the look she gave me when she turned away, (that look, the subtle smug expression of doing something bad and knowing that you’ve gotten away scot free) before disappearing into the shadows of the female toilet that it got me thinking… did I just get ripped off?

You see, the problem with travelling abroad is that we’re seldom familiar with the currency, and it’s always quite mind boggling doing all the mental calculations in your mind. While it seemed reasonable to be paying 50 cents for a toilet, the “market rate” was 10 cents, and the more expensive ones were 20. But not only did I pay more than double that amount, I offered to pay 5 times that amount! (of course it wasn’t “cents” I was dealing with, but the Vietnamese Dong)

Toilets! Toilets! Who would have thought there’s even such a thing as a toilet scam??! Shitamoly!

That scam has scarred me for life…

Street vendor scams

Italy

This “scam” is prevalent in almost every country. As long as there’s souvenir hunting, there’s bound to be scams like this. Sometimes, it isn’t just products, it’s selling of services. This isn’t exactly a scam, you just need to do your homework and know the “market rate” before haggling and deciding whether the price offered is the best offer. However, there are some incidences that you won’t have the luxury of doing so, because some of the souvenirs are quite exclusive.

There are also street vendors who would forcefully sell you something you don’t need. Extremely common in Europe, especially in Italy. I came across countless street vendors (supposedly from Romania) who would either force a rose into your hand, fling flying toys right in front of you, shine green laser pointers in your path to attract your attention, and even those who offer “free” food to feed roaming pigeons. It didn’t happen to us, but I’ve seen many tourists falling prey to them during our honeymoon (Dec 13) there.

The worst was the “pigeon feed scam”. This China man was offered food to feed some pigeons, at first it seemed to be out of goodwill, then the scammer would keep going back to him, giving him more feed and finally asking him to pay up. It was like watching a live broadcast of human fishing.



I’ve also seen street photographers, offering to take photos for unsuspecting tourists at Trevi Fountain in Rome and asking for a fee. The funniest (not to be mean but true) scam I’ve seen is that a couple who fell prey to it seemed rather happy about it initially, but after looking at the instant photo, the lady exclaimed loudly that the picture didn’t include the Trevi Fountain. Ie. The photo was badly taken and it could have jolly well been taken anywhere, with no proof of the Trevi Fountain in the background. Even though she made a fuss, both she and her partner were a little tipsy, and they came across more tickled than offended. Not sure what conspired but the “photographer” helped to take another photo of them and this time, even though the lady looked more pleased, she just kept shaking her head while they left.

This is the friendlier version of the scam, at least the “scamtographers” give you more leeway to reject their services. Then again, I could argue against myself that that’s because there were policemen on patrol at Trevi Fountain, which is why they weren’t that aggressive.

Vietnam / Cambodia

They’re a bit more stealth in Vietnam and Cambodia. Camping at most of the tourist sites, the scamtographers will take your photos without rightful consent, simply by approaching you and asking both you (you and your partner) to smile. You could, in theory, show them the finger. But it’s better to passively reject them then run the risk of offending an entire syndicate.  The speed at which they developed the photos was impressive.

Cruising along Tam Coc River in Vietnam, scamtographers would mount little boats and start snapping tourists during their river tour. And at the end of the tour, they’ll approach you and offer to sell locally-watermarked photos of you as a souvenir.

I have to admit, they do make rather good souvenirs if they’re well taken. Which explains why I actually “fell” for a “scam” like this. Well technically I didn’t fall for it because I willingly paid for the photo. And it’s not so much a scam considering it’s not malicious, it’s more of a thinking-out-of the-box method to sustain a livelihood.

Normally, my initial reaction towards anyone approaching me will be to shoo them off… but after shooing  this particular guy, out of curiosity, I took a quick glance at the photo. It turned out to be pretty awesome. Not wanting to appear too desperate for it, I instantly cut the price by half, to which, he accepted readily (I mean there’s no reason for him not to since the photos would be wasted if I hadn’t gotten them). To be fair to him, I also didn’t want to offer such a ridiculously low price. So eventually I paid around 20 cents (S$) for the photo.

In Cambodia, there will be lots of kids who would approach you to sell you souvenirs. Almost every tourist spot we went too, we were hounded and horded by them. I eventually gave in to one, one particular little girl who told me that the money she collects from selling stuff, would be used to buy herself a textbook, for education. Of course I didn’t believe her. I wanted to though. So I kept telling her, that should I buy anything from her, she has to use the money to buy herself a textbook. I warned her not to lie to me, and she kept saying she won’t.

I ended up buying a couple of souvenirs from her, one of which was a nicely hand-made friendship band. 

I gave her the benefit of the doubt, I stubbornly forced myself to believe her, but it wasn’t until in Philippines, on Malapascua Island that another girl, used the same “trick” on me. She said something similar, about her school doing charity and whatever she sold, half of it will be donated back to the school, the other half, she would use it to buy textbooks for her education.

How it all first happened was that she ran after us after we walked past her and her friend, who appeared to be chilling out along the beach. Then she passed some random Japanese remark at us, and I told her we weren’t Japanese.

After walking not too far, she came running after us, and spoke to us in English. Her English wasn’t very good, but she tried hard to communicate nonetheless by saying that she learned English that morning and her teacher told her to speak to tourists to improve her English.

Though I suspected something was amiss, for a moment, I did honestly want to believe that she stopped us so that she could practise her English language. It wasn’t until she took out, rather sneakily, yeah, sneakily, a couple of souvenirs wrapped up in a cloth that I realised she was just another kiddo trying to rip me off.

Ironically, even though I knew I was being ripped off, she did offer some rather uncommon souvenirs, so I haggled a little and repeatedly asked what she would use the money for. She kept saying it would really be for buying herself textbooks, which once again, I wanted so hard to believe.

It wasn’t until the next few days on the island, that I realised it was just a scam. Talk is cheap. Deep down, I wanted so much to believe that the kids (at least for that girl on Malapascua) might be moved by my actions, that even though they themselves were sure they were deceiving me, they would have second thoughts after  seeing an act of “trust” on my part. But no. I, instead of helping them, might have spoilt them even further, by affirming the success rates of their lies. It might have given them more confidence to lie even more, to many more kind-hearted tourists in future. What have I done?

I knew it because for the next few days, she just kept avoiding us. She would run up to us halfway, but upon realising that she had already spoken to us, she would pretend to look the other way, and backed off. There was a guilty conscience inside, but yet… it’s not enough to make her learn. I don’t blame them, I mean afterall, they’re living in such poverty it’s just a way to ensure their survivability. This is a scam that is heartbreaking… a scam that for once, I felt more sad, than angry.

Next comes the most amazingly comical scam I’ve come across. I don’t know to gape in awe, or to laugh out in ridicule. “Thirsty drink vendor” scam. Classic.

It’s classic not because it’s common, but because it’s just… priceless.

A drink vendor came up to us in Cambodia, along the banks of Tonle Sap River. This happened in Phnom Penh.

I straight off rejected him. But he told me he just wanted to sit with us to have a chat. We allowed him of course. It was just talk, no harm done right? Wrong.

He asked about us, and also shared about himself bla bla bla, about his family so on and so forth. In fact, I was on a genuine listening ear, though the info I shared about myself might not be 100% true (it’s a way to safeguard myself). Then when the opportunity was right, when he thought he had me convinced of how hard a life he had gone through, he brought up the sale of his drinks again. By then, with all the talking, we got a bit thirsty. And realising it didn’t cost much, I decided to buy a can drink from him for his efforts.

All was well, until he asked a most classic question, “Can you buy me a drink?”

“Sorry, what? Buy you a drink?” I replied rather puzzled.

“Yes, can you buy me a drink?” he repeated. He said he hasn’t drank for a few hours.

I laughed a little and told him that he can just open a can cos he’s selling it. He said he couldn’t because it was too expensive for him.

It blew my mind. Like blasting my brains out with an AK-47, I didn’t know how to react internally. Imagine this, buying a canned drink for a guy from himself. I thought he was joking, but he was serious alright.

So I asked if he would drink it or if he would just put it back into his Styrofoam box. He said he would of course drink it. But I didn’t buy it. Literally and figuratively. As classic as it was, as much as I would love to reward his ingenuity of coming up with such a ridiculous plan, I told him no, 1 can of drink was all I was buying from him.

After realising that he had hit a dead end, we parted ways, amicably. There were no hard feelings, he was friendly to me even at the last minute. I didn’t know what to think of the situation, but recorded it down in my mental book of most ridiculous scams of all time. In fact, by my definition, I wouldn’t call it a scam since I was aware of what was happening. However, by strict definition, a scam is “an attempt to defraud a person or group by gaining their confidence”, which makes this and the kid methods scams nonetheless.

Before I end off with the street vendor scams, I have to make particular mention of the Cambodian kids, who would use all kinds of methods to gain the pity/awe of tourists. Most of them would try the “impress you” method, by speaking in all kinds of languages. Not full sentences, but for example, numbers. Japanese, Korean, Chinese, Malay, English… and on 2 rare occasions, we even came across kids who could count in dialact, Hokkien, Cantonese, Teochew! Speak about dedication!

It’s a tricky one these scams. Even though back then I hated being hounded that badly, I really pitied them… their lifestyle, their poverty. If you were to ask me if I would do anything different when it came to those scams, I would honestly say, no. It might not matter much to me, but I’m sure it does to them. At least, they tried.

Private pickup scams (Boat-igans)

The most devious scam of all. The scammers usually do this passive aggressively. Take note that whenever you opt for a private pickup/tour, you subject yourself to a potential scam like this.

There are some similarities with the cab scams mentioned above, about how they would offer their “exclusive” private tours. From the land to the sea, I was mostly subjected to private pickup scams over water, by what I call, the Boat-igans.

Perhaps the most pressurising one we felt was when we stepped foot onto a private pump boat pickup to Malapascua Island, Philippines. As it happened no more than 2 months back, the scam is fresh, so fresh, it still taste of the sea.

Even though I have made mention of it in my earlier posts, I shall detail it here. I had missed out the lies that the boat-igans verbally threw at us.

Through Tepanee Beach Resort, we had gotten a private pickup at a private port. Private ports sound exclusive, only problem is that the so-called port was in fact a breakwater which created the necessity for bag handlers. Which of course you’ll have to tip them for. However, after touching down at a new place, chances are that you won’t have small change for such tips… and that’s when the first strike hits.

The second, was when we were on board. Not even giving us time to settle down, the boat-igans came up to us to preach about how cheap their services were and played on their exclusivity if we were to go on a private tour with them. “Best rates on the island, very nice spots around the island, just you and her”, they said. Yeah, if you’re comparing their rates with they, themselves and them. Their services were cheap alright, not in the monetary sense but in the means-of-their-methods sense.

Third, they scammed us by saying that they would make lunch for us, 1 kg worth of chicken, 1 kg worth of fish, beer, coke and all that crap. However, we had to pay an additional 1,000 pesos for it, equivalent to S$30. Well, out of goodwill, I didn’t mind cos ultimately we had to “feed” them too, but I felt taken advantage off when the next day, during our private tour, the chicken I saw them whooping up for us looked no more than 300g. Did they honestly think that we couldn’t tell?

3 strikes and they’re out. Not yet.

Anyways, after clinching an island tour from us, they pitched yet another private tour to another island, Kelanggaman Island. It was much more expensive, and they said that we could even see dolphins along the way. We did eventually go for the tour, but not with them. It was a group tour at 1,000pesos (2,000pesos for both of us) instead of the 8,000pesos they offered us. And during that tour, there was not a single dolphin soul around. We did see flying fishes, and I only wondered, if we had in fact gone with them for the private tour and questioned them about the dolphins, what would they have said? Laugh it off and said the flying fishes were like dolphins? Oh please…

They asked for a deposit of 1,500pesos, and we had to eventually pay a total of 3,000pesos for our private island tour (to 4 attractions). But we eventually paid them 3,500pesos because one of them had seen me breaking down my big notes at the resort’s front desk, and  came up with a diabolical plan of increasing the price of the food they bought by 200pesos. One of them came up to be and explained that the food costs a bit more because they bought a lot. I mean, what could we have said? And who does that? Charging more than the agreed amount?

My wife and I were the only ones on board, and it was only during the start of the tour. We sure didn’t want to offend them, considering we had to swim in the open waters and that it was too obvious a declaration of war had we brought our money down with us during snorkelling.

The agreed 3,000pesos + the additional 200pesos would make it 3,200pesos, so how did I end up paying 3,500pesos then? Well, cos they acted pitiful and said they didn’t have change at the end of it all (yet another scam, a scam in a scam, recall the “no change scam”). One of them said after the whole day (actually the tour was only half a day), I wouldn’t even give them 300pesos tips?

I just wanted to shake them off for good, with that additional 300pesos I hope never to see them again. And so I gave in. But in the next few days, I learned that Malapascua Island was too small an island to cry over spilt milk. They were extremely pestery, clinging on to us like desperate leeches.

Not only did one of them keep hounding me to take up their services again, he tried to poison my mind with cheap talk, about how and why I should engage them on my return trip to Cebu. I had to keep playing it “survivor” style, giving him the same treatment of “cheap talks”. I finally told him off after he tried to lecture me about my “mistake” of going with another liaison. I said to him in a stern manner, “Is there a problem?” And it was only then that he no longer dared to talk s*** to me.

It was bad, it left a bad taste in my mouth even though the BBQ lunch they whooped up during our private island tour was fairly decent. This classifies as the worst scam I’ve been a victim of. They had so many strikes I wouldn’t do enough justice if I had merely exposed them here in my blog. I did too in Tripadvisor, and I sincerely hope that no one else would fall for their scams ever again (wishful thinking on my part).

In Cambodia (2012), at Tonle Sap, there’s also a similar scam going on. But it’s more in-your-face than the backstabbing kind. At the port, we were hounded by syndicates of boatmen, and when two Australian ladies came up to us asking us if we wanted to share a boat with them, a horde followed them. The ladies explained that it was less than half price a year ago, but now the local boaters have obnoxiously raised the price by more than 200%. It would have been cheaper if we were to share a boat with them.

However, the leader of the syndicate told us aggressively that he wouldn’t allow it. The boats would only take both groups separately. Not wanting to offend the boaters, even though I felt real bad and really wanted to join the Australian ladies, we ended up taking our own private tour.

Oh no, the private tour. Checked. We thought everything was alright until we made a pitstop at a floating hut. There, we were brought forth to yet another “leader” of the pack, where there was a heavy obligation to go with a side-private tour along the mashes. By then, I firmly rejected it because I knew that it was just going to be scams after scams… we were led down the Eden path of continuous scams. For all we know, while in the mashes (mangroves), I’m sure someone will row a boat to us to sell us stuff and all that bull.

Luckily, that was kind of the end of it, a rather traumatic experience by itself.

My bro had warned me beforehand because he too had taken a private boat tour with his wife along Tonle Sap. For his case, the boatman offered him to bring him somewhere very exclusive, private. He agreed, and was brought to a quiet, secluded spot. There, my brother felt a threatening sense of silent pressure. He told me the boatman had this look in his eyes, as if he was plotting something sinister, murderous (no kidding). But thankfully, both of them returned home safely. So the advice was to reject any “exclusive” offers made by the boatman, and the mangrove tour seemed to fit that description.

Snatch Thef

And now, the most drama-rama encounter *drum roll*, a brush with the “real deal” was during my overseas attachment in Scotland during my Poly days. That’s way back in 2004. This real life encounter I have told one too many times, it’s like a battle scar, a war story that will be passed down generations. 

It was so outrageously bold that till this very day, I’m still coming to terms with the reality of it. I was on the ball all (almost) the time, but let my guard down there and then because it seemed like something that would only happen in the movies. An incident that’s seemingly impossible to happen in real life, but it did. But because it did, it redefined the “boldocity” of overseas crime and set my internal benchmark of a worst case scenario.

To qualify as such, it has to fit a few criteria. One is to be robbed in broad daylight. Another is to be robbed in front of a crowd of no less than 100 pax. The other is to be robbed in the presence of police officers and not get any help. And the last factor is to be robbed with the aid of accomplices, basically 1 vs “x” number of a-holes.  

In essence, I was snatch thef-ed in broad daylight in front of about 100 pax. There were even policemen on patrol, but none laid a finger to help me. It took place at Plaza De Catalunya, this open spaced plaza that looked like Singapore’s open spaced plaza in front of Ngee Ann City. There were many free-roaming pigeons on the floor and a couple of statues erected around the plaza.

I was there with my buddy and another female friend. My buddy ventured off to take photos of the statues, while my female friend and I stayed behind to snap shots of the pigeons. Yup, it’s a tourist thing (that’s why the “pigeon feed scam” works), a bunch of roaming pigeons seen overseas seem like a priceless photo op for any tourists. I slinged my Olympus digital camera around my right wrist while taking using her point-and-shoot camera to take a photo of her.  

After taking the shot and returning the camera to my female friend, a young boy, about the age of 14-16 years came up to me. He was within an arm’s length. I looked at him and asked, “Yes?” Thinking that he needed help with something.

But what happened next was the shortest and longest 15 mins of my life.

He reached out, snatched my camera, gave it a fierce tug and almost immediately, the strap snapped. It was like flicking a brittle stick and snapping it into half, the camera strap that I always thought was secure could hardly endure a slight tug.

At that moment when it happened, time seemed to slow down for me. I remember processing it in my mind, questioning myself if what I “saw” was really happening. But before I knew it, I snapped back to my senses and kept repeating the f word in my mind, as I started chasing the thief. Thanks to the sprinting days back in my pri and sec schs (I was a sprinter), I caught up with him quickly. But when I grabbed him, I didn’t know what to do. A hugggeeee mistake. On hindsight, if it were to ever happen to me ever again (touch-wood, hope it doesn’t), I will surely land him multiple punches and kicks.

With one hand on his shoulder grabbing his jumper, I reached out for my camera with the other. We were like playing a childish game of “snatch it if you can”. The next instant I knew, he wriggled his way out of his overhead jumper aggressively and broke loose once again. Holding onto his jumper, I saw stunned… a second time. It was like in a Jackie Chan movie. An overhead jumper! Not the front zipper ones!

I threw his jumper on the ground and gave chase once more. It was then that an older boy flashed past me and tripped me with his feet. I broke my fall heroically with my left hand and it happened so fast that my friend didn’t even see me stumble. However the fall was so bad that I sprained my shoulder and had to eventually seek medical treatment back in Scotland. But the adrenaline that flowed through my body kept me going like a boy terminator.

By the time I had almost caught up with the thief, who was looking back frantically, he finally threw my camera on the floor. And when the camera bounced up after striking the floor, yes, it looked like slo-mo then, his accomplice also tried diving for it. Thankfully, I got to it first… and the ordeal was finally over.

They scampered away and rejoined their gang, who were standing some 30 metres away from me. They just looked at me defeated, as if they had “lost” a battle. However, what pisses me off till this day is that not only did they get away scot free, they were all unharmed, while I had to painfully suffer a seriously sprained shoulder.

Almost immediately, an older man came up to us and spoke to us in Spanish. I kept pushing him away, as I thought to myself that every single one of them was part of a syndicate. It wasn’t only until later that my female friend told me that he was simply asking if I was alright.

Then… as if it was God’s way of reminding me that goodness still exist, my female friend told me to look back again because a kid was calling out to me. When I turned around with a nasty glare, I saw a little boy holding onto something. His mother was standing beside him.

 My eyebrows unfrowned, the anger in my eyes dissipated, when I realised that he was holding onto my lithium battery which had sprang out during the drop. I walked up to him, thanked him profusely and left the scene quickly, in fear of being targeted yet again. Even though I was disappointed with the people there, it was that look in the little boy’s eyes, that look of innocence, that left me with a mixed bag of feelings. It was horrible, that very instant, I hated them so much I even harboured crazy thoughts of going back there as an assassin to snipe those f****** down. 

But today, thinking back, it’s sad. It was sad because of the environment in which they grew up in. They were in such poverty that they had to resort to such means.

Even though the policemen who turned their heads away after my friend called out to them were obviously in it together, it was the little boy who reminded me that humanity exists even in a degrading society.

My camera failed me a couple years later, possibly from the internal damage it suffered back then. And though it costs a bomb back then (yup, my mum had to ship it over from Singapore, amounting to about S$1K), that incident which occurred as a result of it thought me a valuable lesson.

So here’s my advice to you. Even in broad daylight with people all around you, robberies and snatch thefs CAN and WILL happen. Stay alert and don’t trust the sling on your point-and-shoot cameras. It’s best to grip onto the bodies of your cameras instead.

Club Scam

The club scam, or the party-goer scam is a hard one for me to talk about. You see, I believe that scam happened to me because the scammer failed in his first attempt, and probably improvised. So I’m not sure if there’s even such a thing as the club scam, but I, embarrassingly fell prey to it.

I was in London (2001?) visiting my Aunty and Uncle living there. I was on a trip with my mum, but decided to venture out by myself because I wanted to get a feel of the night life there. My mum was tired and wanted to rest in the hotel, but was worried about me. I assured her that I would be alright and knew how to look after myself.

Not wanting to be too complacent, I only took a small bit of cash with me, just in case I get robbed. Also, to play it safe, I would only walk around within the vicinity of our hotel room.

I went up to a couple of clubs and asked about their cover charges. While deciding on which one to go to, a Black man about twice my size came up to me. He asked for change to take a bus. I rejected him of course, telling him that I don’t have small change. He then pretended to get friendly with me and asked where I was going, and if he could be of any help. I had initially tried to shrug him off, but he pestered me quite a bit. Thinking it’s just a couple of small change, I let him “bring” me to a club which he said was very fun.

He kept reassuring me that it was around the corner. Corners after corners, even though he said was close-by, I found myself walking further and further away from my imaginary “safe zone”, the so-called immediately vicinity of the hotel. So I told him I’ll go break down my notes so that I can pass him his “fee” and then to shake him off.

We entered a convenience shop and when the owner gave back small change, he grabbed the whole lot of it and returned only a few. I was stunned alright. But I knew it was already too late… too late for trusting people, for “not minding” to help supposed scammers. His hand was much longer than mine and there was no way I could have grabbed the cash first (and the shop owner was a cockanaggens to say the least, he should have returned the money to the person who gave him the money!). I kept asking him to return me my money because the initially agreed amount that I would give him was less. Yup, I foresaw the problem and had given him a “price” that I would pay for his services so that there was no dispute when he had gotten my “tips”.

What I didn’t expect was how unappreciative he was and how he cheated a few more pounds out of me. While it wasn’t a lot, perhaps around 8 pounds, which was S$24 back then, I was reprimanding myself for being too nice.

I ended up only being able to pay for the cover charge to enter a club and not have enough money to buy any drinks. So I sat there, all alone in some dark corner, accompanied only by the sound of trance music spiralling within the club. Everyone who was having fun seemed to be draining it out of me.

Needless to say, I didn’t hang around for long.

Petition Scam

This didn’t happen to me, but was shared by my colleague who was a victim of this scam while holidaying in Paris. She was at the Eiffel Tower when it happened. To keep her identity confidential and for the purpose of easy reference, let’s call her C.

A lady came up to C and asked her to sign a petition. She did, and after signing, the lady asked her for a token of donation. C asked how much was needed, and the lady said anything. So, C gave like 2 euros or so. The lady took the money and flipped the clip board, pointing to a small print stating that a minimum of 10 euros was needed. C was enraged and said no, but she still passed the lady 5 euros I think. Instead of giving back the 2 euros, the lady kept all 7.

The “deal” was over, and another of the lady’s confederate wanted to approach my friend C again. It was then that the lady told her not to.

So in essence, even if it’s a seemingly harmless thing such as signing a petition, don’t do it. Chances are it’s gonna be yet another scam.

Final Words

The severity of scams vary, the methods, though similar may appear entirely foreign in different contexts and circumstances. Bottomline is, there’s nowhere that’s safe. Almost. On both our trips to Taiwan, I don’t recall being scammed. So that might be an exception. One isn’t spared in Singapore either, cab scams and food scams (mostly seafood) are in abundance. Around the world, pickpockets and cab scams are possibly the most common, on rare occasions, more “exciting” scams might happen to you. The notorious friendship band scams in Rome, the Jetski scam in Thailand, the Kidnapping scam in Singapore are several of the more devious scams, scams which entrap the victims. 

So stay sharp, stay informed, and ultimately, stay clear-minded because while it’s inevitable to fall into scams, mentally training yourself to have a clear sense of any situation might help you get out of some of them.

My advice is to stay clear of anyone dubious, regardless of how harmless they claim themselves to be. Keep the conversations short, sweet, and firm. Because once they start the ball rolling, it’s tough to roll them away with the ball. Create an invisible barrier of an arm’s length around you whenever you’re overseas, and give anyone the death stare when they get uncomfortably close (it worked for me when I was in Italy). It’s an extremely paranoid but effective way to stay protected. Because to relate to any sane person, why would anyone take the harder route (victims) when there are easier routes (victims) out there?  

Disclaimer and Credits: None of the photos in this post are mine. As there's quite a few sources, I won't be referencing them but would like to thank the owners for letting me share them (unknowingly). The photos in this post are for "beautifying" purposes and while they're fairly representative, they are not the actual scam photos.

Final thoughts, Reviews and Tips

When we first bought the air tickets to Cebu, there were a few optional additions we could pay for, like the choosing of seats, and the additional carry-on luggage weight. We paid to choose our seats, cos I was traumatised from our Taiwan experience when I suffered from claustrophobia because I was given seats close to the rear of the plane. I remembered them being so cramped I felt like I was running out of breath most of the time, nauseous and perpetually restless. The seats nearer to the cockpit are generally more spacious.

For the longest time, we were contemplating whether to pay for additional luggage weight, or whether we should even pay to check in a luggage. Finally we decided that 10kg per pax should be more than enough since there wasn't much clothes to bring to a beach resort.

We did the online check-in, so I don't know what our initial weight was, but when we came back, we had to pay an additional 1,000 pesos (~S$30) because my 2 carry-ons exceeded the weight. The extra 1,000 pesos would allow me to check in 15kg worth of luggage. I believe it would have been cheaper had I exercised that option at the start, and my advice to you will be, yes, add that extra luggage weight, you're gonna need it. 

We didn't buy many souvenirs, even if we did, they shouldn't have weighed so much. Well, our hand carry luggage itself already weighs maybe a 2-3kg, leaving us not much allowance to pack "heavy" stuff in, like liquids and all. Furthermore, the liquids restriction of 100ml per bottle was quite a pain in the ass. We were pretty vexed over it the entire time and we bought a bottle of aloe vera gel and shampoo there because we underestimated the ferocity of the sun. I bought a bottle of shampoo that's more than 100ml, hardly used it and had to leave it there as a result. Tepanee Beach Resort was short of amenities. All they provided was a bottle of liquid soap. Not sure if it was for my hands, body or hair but I sure didn't wanna risk it.

I brought a bar of soap, thinking that it was enough, but seawater really hardens up the hair, and soap isn't enough to revitalise the stiffening hair. I thought I had it, I mean I used to bathe myself with soap only during my army days, but it wasn't just the length of my hair which I overlooked, it was also the effects of seawater on the hair. And so I chose, to spend money (didn't have much of a choice) on a huge bottle of shampoo I know I would hardly use in exchange for the health of my hair even though I just had to endure for 2 more days (in Malapascua)...

It wasn't until Crimson Spa Resort that every freaking amenities were provided. Which meant that if that's the only stop you make in Cebu, you won't have to bring a single thing... wait.. perhaps you'll have to bring your own shaver and facial cleanser. But that's about it.

If there's anything I've learnt during this trip of mine, it's best to stay away from private tours. It's an unfair statement to make, to generalise all private tours to be rip offs, but I never wanna put myself in that situation again... where I felt cornered, mentally taken advantage of. It's never a good idea when there's more of them, and less of you. In a way, it was similar to our Cambodia's Tonle Sap syndicate boat ride, where they were more aggressive, but in the Philippines, they did it the passive aggressive way.

My group day trips have always been rather fulfilling, and I can't think of any to complain about yet, hopefully never, and that's why I'm gonna stick to group trips from now on, no matter the temptation.

If there was anything worth going to Malapascua Island for, for non-divers, it would have to be the intertidal walk, if not I advise you not to make a special trip down just for the so-called "gorgeous" beaches. I could have been there at a wrong time, the wrong season, but I've seen better waters than that and I believe you won't have to travel that far to experience it.

Tepanee Beach Resort - Malapascua Island

I highly dissuade you to stay at Tepanee Beach Resort, one of the few mistakes I've made in my accommodation hunting thus far. Even websites make mistakes sometimes, and if Tripadvisor was to ever be wrong about something, it would be Tepanee Beach Resort. The reviews on there are probably instigated, or even written by friends of the cheat-pack. There are much better places to stay on that island, that I'm very sure of, because once you hit rock bottom, the only other way is up.

When I first reached Tepanee, I was given a terrible terrible room. Initially it looked fine, but the safe was not working. This was the biggest strike out considering the room was pretty deserted. To make matters worst, the windows were broken, so all I had to do if I wanted to steal from a room was to kick it down. Easily. I became their repairman. I fixed the windows for them. I fixed their sinks for them because the pop-up stopper was faulty and the water could not be drained. The doors leading to the balcony and the main door had small lobangs.  

And even though the receptionist promised me that she would get the repairman to fix the safe, when I got back down, she told me the repairman had already gone home and asked whether it was alright. Of course not! She did offer to change rooms for us, so when I said "That would be good", there was a minute of awkward silence. She meant it to be later, not now, then. I mean... why wait till later? There's a possibility that the room has not been made, but she sure didn't say or bother to explain. She was just slacking at the main reception with her 2 other colleagues. It felt as if she didn't even care.

Well, we did eventually change rooms, to the one beside our initial room, and the room though better, had the sink problem as well. And yes, I became their repairman again. Took some flat stones to hold the stopper up. I've seen roaches squeezing their way into the gaps between the planky wooden floors and the shower head was plain gross. It looked terribly old and dirty.

Though I didn't pay a premium price for the room, it was in a pretty bad shape. But it was, bearable. At least the air-conditioning and the heater was working. The 2nd room did redeem the resort a little. And the next day when we had to leave early for our Kalanggaman day trip, the resort actually ran out of beach towels! Imagine that! I think there were less than 6 rooms being occupied and yet they couldn't provide enough towels, the receptionist told me that they were still wet.

It's actually not such a terribly thing, but I just had to rub it in. I mean I could do without beach towels, worst case we'll just use our t-shirts as towels (which we did), but it's not like their rooms were fully booked. Also, there were lotsa patch work, construction work which was quite worrying due to safety reasons... and that was why I was insistent about having a safe that actually works cos I was so sure the doors and windows won't hold persistent thieves. I don't think badly of them, just that it's always better to be safe than sorry, especially when you're "stranded" on a foreign island.

I don't blame them for the construction work, since I understand Typhoon Haiyan (Nov 8 2013) was responsible for it. So objectively:

Room (condition) - 2/5 (averaged out)

Resort - 3/5

Amenities - 1/5

Crimson Spa Resort - Mactan Island

After the ordeal in Malapascua, I was keeping my fingers crossed that Crimson Spa won't disappoint. Not only did it didn't, it exceed my expectations. It was the true definition of what a luxury beach resort should be like. Tepanee cost around S$70 per night, while Crimson Spa was about thrice that amount (~S$211/night). Even so, it was well worth it, more worth it than Tepanee.

Their website allowed its guest to pay for this guest card which contains values higher than you have to pay for, like a gift card of some sort, and it's higher recommended that you do so. I had initially thought it wasn't necessary to buy them since we'll probably be eating out and chilling out most of the time, but it seemed we spent most of our time in our resort, especially during the night because our last shuttle bus back to the resort from the malls was around 7.35-7.45pm. The journey back to our hotel takes around 40 mins, which leaves us with a good 3 hours to spend each night before turning in.

Everything in Crimson Spa is expensive. It's a given. Since we paid premium price for the resort, everything else was also "premium price". However, there's some "hidden immunity idols" one could look out for to save yourselves during the tribal councils. 

1. The Crimson Cafe offers a 40% discount on selected items every night from 7-10pm. So do check it out nightly if you wanna save on that breakfast or supper snack. Even though in theory you could take a shuttle bus out to either Ayala or SM mall and get something to bite at the local supermarket for later.

2. The 2 puny complimentary bottles of drinking water the resort provides daily isn't enough for a day, so once again, taking the shuttle bus out to the malls, heading to the supermarket and buying bottles/gallons of water would be a good idea. While you're at it, do remember to buy some bread so that you can feed the fishes at their private beach every morning. It's an experience worth investing in because unlike self-absorbed Jo-Jo at Malapascua who only gave us half a jam bread, you can have a whole loaf of it which would allow you lotsa opportunities to experience free-loading fishes up-close and personal, some braver ones even nibbling your hands - fishes ranging from the size of gold fishes all the way to adult Arowanas.

3. Invest in a snorkelling mask if you can, Ie. bring your own snorkelling mask. You would usually have to pay for it (not cheap), but we were lucky cos we met a kind staff who offered us to use their snorkelling masks for free after telling him that it was our last day there.

4. Happy hour, cocktails are 1-for-1 from 9-11pm daily at the Sports Bar. That, is something you'll wanna take advantage of because it sure is value for money. The prices per glass is close to Singapore's price, but since it's happy hour, you get 2 for the price of 1! Well worth it! And the Pina Colada was exceptionally gratifying. The Bloody Mary on the other hand.. ahem, just give it a miss. They missed out one of the most important aspect of it, the salt on the rims of the glasses! Sourly spicy but it lacked the salty taste! Free 2x Pool tables and 2x English Chess sets for its patrons too!

The resort's housekeeping staff are like Filipino ninjas, they not only make your room twice a day, they seem to know exactly when we're not around. I mean we had to give our room numbers to the concierge everytime we took the shuttle bus out and back, but it wasn't until the last day, when we merely went for a decadent dinner (within the resort) that the housekeeping also teleported in and out of our room!

And the funniest part about it is that they would always leave behind an "artpiece" for us... towel animals. We were welcomed back with a dog on one day, and an elephant on another. It really cheered us up whenever we returned to our room, and especially my dear who was uncontrollably amused each night.

The last night, they left behind more than just an elephant, they left behind an ironing board! Wow! Their service was impeccable. I don't think I have ever felt so pampered before.

Apart from all these, of course the room was gorgeous. Half the room was the toilet, with a bathtub, rain shower, a mounted tv, ceiling fan and a hair dryer. The other half was a spacious bedroom space.

They had tons of beach towels, and even had a quality check of the pool water everyday, recording the chlorine and pH values of their waters on a board at the pool counter.

While the infinity pool wasn't super gorgeous, cos it wasn't very clear, it opened till late each night, till 9pm. The beach on the other hand, closes at 5pm everyday (could close earlier dependent on the tides). Didn't get the rationale of why they would close the beach but it was on the last day that the staff showed us a sea snake in a bucket with its intestines spilling out that they explained it was for the safety of the guests cos when night comes, the sea snakes would come out.

Many of the staff were friendly, some more genuine than others, but generally everyone was friendly and polite. I felt so welcomed, so acknowledged.

I guess the only flaw about the resort, is that it's pretty isolated. But with a resort that's so self-contained, I'm not complaining.

Thanks to Crimson Spa, the 2nd half of our trip allowed me to experience what it felt like to be really staying at a beach paradise. And that marks the end of the Philippine season, that million-dollar experience...

Room (condition) - 5/5

Resort - 4.5/5

Amenities - 5/5

Oh, btw do request for a room near the poolside area (tips from Tripadvisor). We got perhaps one of the best rooms, closest room to the pool cum recreation area, extremely convenient!

There was even a kids recreation area!

They also provided daily activities at the pool, such as Zumba and aqua-aerobics.

Towel folding dog - That's my goggles!

Towel folding elephant - Love the "natural" eyes.

A shot of our room, unfortunately I won't be posting our bathroom shots because of ahem* private swimwear photos (they needed drying!).

My dear was hyped about going for a 40mins "Abs extreme" session at their gym on our last night there.

Our gym instructor, the friendly abs-torturer Markie!

The decadent meal at Tempo restaurant on our last night there.

Chef's complimentary dish - Taco Zucchini

 Pan seared scallops on peeled oranges.

My dear had the pan seared salmon, topped with soft shell craft and accompanied with lemon risotto. I had the coconut curried lobster, or something like that.

According to the sales girl, she said their Strawberry Cheesecake was their best seller. However, for the last 2 nights, that wasn't one of the selected promotional item. We saw it on our first day, but unfortunately didn't try it then. Therefore if you see it on promo, grab it fast!

Every morning, the staff will leave a coconut right at our doorsteps, survivor-like, beautifully decorated with fresh flowers with a rolled up schedule of programmes for the day (changes slightly daily).

One of the water sports staff, Ronald, gave us a free 30 mins kayak ride if we were to sign up for their Jet Ski package. Though we only tried it on our 2nd last day and Ronald wasn't there, his colleague willingly gave us the same offer.

The turquoise waters were gorgeously clear. The depth was about 10metres.

 Learning the ropes in preparation of the adrenaline pumping Jet Skiing experience. The Jet Ski went up to 28km/hr before it became rather uncontrollable in the choppy waters. 

My dear too had a go at riding the waves.

Some Japanese guys, probably filming a television programme, standing at the breakwaters of the private beach. The boat in the background which looks like a pirate ship was chartered by them.

The sea snake with its intestines spilling out... caught by Crimson's staff.

Trying desperately to relive the fish feeding experience from a grey floating platform not too far out from the private beach.

A robotic guardian of the kids recreation area.

And the tribe has spoken...