G's Travelogy (Uncut, Uncensored, Unrated): Final thoughts, Reviews and Tips

When we first bought the air tickets to Cebu, there were a few optional additions we could pay for, like the choosing of seats, and the additional carry-on luggage weight. We paid to choose our seats, cos I was traumatised from our Taiwan experience when I suffered from claustrophobia because I was given seats close to the rear of the plane. I remembered them being so cramped I felt like I was running out of breath most of the time, nauseous and perpetually restless. The seats nearer to the cockpit are generally more spacious.

For the longest time, we were contemplating whether to pay for additional luggage weight, or whether we should even pay to check in a luggage. Finally we decided that 10kg per pax should be more than enough since there wasn't much clothes to bring to a beach resort.

We did the online check-in, so I don't know what our initial weight was, but when we came back, we had to pay an additional 1,000 pesos (~S$30) because my 2 carry-ons exceeded the weight. The extra 1,000 pesos would allow me to check in 15kg worth of luggage. I believe it would have been cheaper had I exercised that option at the start, and my advice to you will be, yes, add that extra luggage weight, you're gonna need it.

We didn't buy many souvenirs, even if we did, they shouldn't have weighed so much. Well, our hand carry luggage itself already weighs maybe a 2-3kg, leaving us not much allowance to pack "heavy" stuff in, like liquids and all. Furthermore, the liquids restriction of 100ml per bottle was quite a pain in the ass. We were pretty vexed over it the entire time and we bought a bottle of aloe vera gel and shampoo there because we underestimated the ferocity of the sun. I bought a bottle of shampoo that's more than 100ml, hardly used it and had to leave it there as a result. Tepanee Beach Resort was short of amenities. All they provided was a bottle of liquid soap. Not sure if it was for my hands, body or hair but I sure didn't wanna risk it.

I brought a bar of soap, thinking that it was enough, but seawater really hardens up the hair, and soap isn't enough to revitalise the stiffening hair. I thought I had it, I mean I used to bathe myself with soap only during my army days, but it wasn't just the length of my hair which I overlooked, it was also the effects of seawater on the hair. And so I chose, to spend money (didn't have much of a choice) on a huge bottle of shampoo I know I would hardly use in exchange for the health of my hair even though I just had to endure for 2 more days (in Malapascua)...

It wasn't until Crimson Spa Resort that every freaking amenities were provided. Which meant that if that's the only stop you make in Cebu, you won't have to bring a single thing... wait.. perhaps you'll have to bring your own shaver and facial cleanser. But that's about it.

If there's anything I've learnt during this trip of mine, it's best to stay away from private tours. It's an unfair statement to make, to generalise all private tours to be rip offs, but I never wanna put myself in that situation again... where I felt cornered, mentally taken advantage of. It's never a good idea when there's more of them, and less of you. In a way, it was similar to our Cambodia's Tonle Sap syndicate boat ride, where they were more aggressive, but in the Philippines, they did it the passive aggressive way.

My group day trips have always been rather fulfilling, and I can't think of any to complain about yet, hopefully never, and that's why I'm gonna stick to group trips from now on, no matter the temptation.

If there was anything worth going to Malapascua Island for, for non-divers, it would have to be the intertidal walk, if not I advise you not to make a special trip down just for the so-called "gorgeous" beaches. I could have been there at a wrong time, the wrong season, but I've seen better waters than that and I believe you won't have to travel that far to experience it.

Tepanee Beach Resort - Malapascua Island

I highly dissuade you to stay at Tepanee Beach Resort, one of the few mistakes I've made in my accommodation hunting thus far. Even websites make mistakes sometimes, and if Tripadvisor was to ever be wrong about something, it would be Tepanee Beach Resort. The reviews on there are probably instigated, or even written by friends of the cheat-pack. There are much better places to stay on that island, that I'm very sure of, because once you hit rock bottom, the only other way is up.

When I first reached Tepanee, I was given a terrible terrible room. Initially it looked fine, but the safe was not working. This was the biggest strike out considering the room was pretty deserted. To make matters worst, the windows were broken, so all I had to do if I wanted to steal from a room was to kick it down. Easily. I became their repairman. I fixed the windows for them. I fixed their sinks for them because the pop-up stopper was faulty and the water could not be drained. The doors leading to the balcony and the main door had small lobangs.

And even though the receptionist promised me that she would get the repairman to fix the safe, when I got back down, she told me the repairman had already gone home and asked whether it was alright. Of course not! She did offer to change rooms for us, so when I said "That would be good", there was a minute of awkward silence. She meant it to be later, not now, then. I mean... why wait till later? There's a possibility that the room has not been made, but she sure didn't say or bother to explain. She was just slacking at the main reception with her 2 other colleagues. It felt as if she didn't even care.

Well, we did eventually change rooms, to the one beside our initial room, and the room though better, had the sink problem as well. And yes, I became their repairman again. Took some flat stones to hold the stopper up. I've seen roaches squeezing their way into the gaps between the planky wooden floors and the shower head was plain gross. It looked terribly old and dirty.

Though I didn't pay a premium price for the room, it was in a pretty bad shape. But it was, bearable. At least the air-conditioning and the heater was working. The 2nd room did redeem the resort a little. And the next day when we had to leave early for our Kalanggaman day trip, the resort actually ran out of beach towels! Imagine that! I think there were less than 6 rooms being occupied and yet they couldn't provide enough towels, the receptionist told me that they were still wet.

It's actually not such a terribly thing, but I just had to rub it in. I mean I could do without beach towels, worst case we'll just use our t-shirts as towels (which we did), but it's not like their rooms were fully booked. Also, there were lotsa patch work, construction work which was quite worrying due to safety reasons... and that was why I was insistent about having a safe that actually works cos I was so sure the doors and windows won't hold persistent thieves. I don't think badly of them, just that it's always better to be safe than sorry, especially when you're "stranded" on a foreign island.

I don't blame them for the construction work, since I understand Typhoon Haiyan (Nov 8 2013) was responsible for it. So objectively:

Room (condition) - 2/5 (averaged out)

Resort - 3/5

Amenities - 1/5

Crimson Spa Resort - Mactan Island

After the ordeal in Malapascua, I was keeping my fingers crossed that Crimson Spa won't disappoint. Not only did it didn't, it exceed my expectations. It was the true definition of what a luxury beach resort should be like. Tepanee cost around S$70 per night, while Crimson Spa was about thrice that amount (~S$211/night). Even so, it was well worth it, more worth it than Tepanee.

Their website allowed its guest to pay for this guest card which contains values higher than you have to pay for, like a gift card of some sort, and it's higher recommended that you do so. I had initially thought it wasn't necessary to buy them since we'll probably be eating out and chilling out most of the time, but it seemed we spent most of our time in our resort, especially during the night because our last shuttle bus back to the resort from the malls was around 7.35-7.45pm. The journey back to our hotel takes around 40 mins, which leaves us with a good 3 hours to spend each night before turning in.

Everything in Crimson Spa is expensive. It's a given. Since we paid premium price for the resort, everything else was also "premium price". However, there's some "hidden immunity idols" one could look out for to save yourselves during the tribal councils.

1. The Crimson Cafe offers a 40% discount on selected items every night from 7-10pm. So do check it out nightly if you wanna save on that breakfast or supper snack. Even though in theory you could take a shuttle bus out to either Ayala or SM mall and get something to bite at the local supermarket for later.

2. The 2 puny complimentary bottles of drinking water the resort provides daily isn't enough for a day, so once again, taking the shuttle bus out to the malls, heading to the supermarket and buying bottles/gallons of water would be a good idea. While you're at it, do remember to buy some bread so that you can feed the fishes at their private beach every morning. It's an experience worth investing in because unlike self-absorbed Jo-Jo at Malapascua who only gave us half a jam bread, you can have a whole loaf of it which would allow you lotsa opportunities to experience free-loading fishes up-close and personal, some braver ones even nibbling your hands - fishes ranging from the size of gold fishes all the way to adult Arowanas.

3. Invest in a snorkelling mask if you can, Ie. bring your own snorkelling mask. You would usually have to pay for it (not cheap), but we were lucky cos we met a kind staff who offered us to use their snorkelling masks for free after telling him that it was our last day there.

4. Happy hour, cocktails are 1-for-1 from 9-11pm daily at the Sports Bar. That, is something you'll wanna take advantage of because it sure is value for money. The prices per glass is close to Singapore's price, but since it's happy hour, you get 2 for the price of 1! Well worth it! And the Pina Colada was exceptionally gratifying. The Bloody Mary on the other hand.. ahem, just give it a miss. They missed out one of the most important aspect of it, the salt on the rims of the glasses! Sourly spicy but it lacked the salty taste! Free 2x Pool tables and 2x English Chess sets for its patrons too!

The resort's housekeeping staff are like Filipino ninjas, they not only make your room twice a day, they seem to know exactly when we're not around. I mean we had to give our room numbers to the concierge everytime we took the shuttle bus out and back, but it wasn't until the last day, when we merely went for a decadent dinner (within the resort) that the housekeeping also teleported in and out of our room!

And the funniest part about it is that they would always leave behind an "artpiece" for us... towel animals. We were welcomed back with a dog on one day, and an elephant on another. It really cheered us up whenever we returned to our room, and especially my dear who was uncontrollably amused each night.

The last night, they left behind more than just an elephant, they left behind an ironing board! Wow! Their service was impeccable. I don't think I have ever felt so pampered before.

Apart from all these, of course the room was gorgeous. Half the room was the toilet, with a bathtub, rain shower, a mounted tv, ceiling fan and a hair dryer. The other half was a spacious bedroom space.

They had tons of beach towels, and even had a quality check of the pool water everyday, recording the chlorine and pH values of their waters on a board at the pool counter.

While the infinity pool wasn't super gorgeous, cos it wasn't very clear, it opened till late each night, till 9pm. The beach on the other hand, closes at 5pm everyday (could close earlier dependent on the tides). Didn't get the rationale of why they would close the beach but it was on the last day that the staff showed us a sea snake in a bucket with its intestines spilling out that they explained it was for the safety of the guests cos when night comes, the sea snakes would come out.

Many of the staff were friendly, some more genuine than others, but generally everyone was friendly and polite. I felt so welcomed, so acknowledged.

I guess the only flaw about the resort, is that it's pretty isolated. But with a resort that's so self-contained, I'm not complaining.

Thanks to Crimson Spa, the 2nd half of our trip allowed me to experience what it felt like to be really staying at a beach paradise. And that marks the end of the Philippine season, that million-dollar experience...

Room (condition) - 5/5

Resort - 4.5/5

Amenities - 5/5

Oh, btw do request for a room near the poolside area (tips from Tripadvisor). We got perhaps one of the best rooms, closest room to the pool cum recreation area, extremely convenient!

There was even a kids recreation area!

They also provided daily activities at the pool, such as Zumba and aqua-aerobics.

Towel folding dog - That's my goggles!

Towel folding elephant - Love the "natural" eyes.

A shot of our room, unfortunately I won't be posting our bathroom shots because of ahem* private swimwear photos (they needed drying!).

My dear was hyped about going for a 40mins "Abs extreme" session at their gym on our last night there.

Our gym instructor, the friendly abs-torturer Markie!

The decadent meal at Tempo restaurant on our last night there.

Chef's complimentary dish - Taco Zucchini

Pan seared scallops on peeled oranges.

My dear had the pan seared salmon, topped with soft shell craft and accompanied with lemon risotto. I had the coconut curried lobster, or something like that.

According to the sales girl, she said their Strawberry Cheesecake was their best seller. However, for the last 2 nights, that wasn't one of the selected promotional item. We saw it on our first day, but unfortunately didn't try it then. Therefore if you see it on promo, grab it fast!

Every morning, the staff will leave a coconut right at our doorsteps, survivor-like, beautifully decorated with fresh flowers with a rolled up schedule of programmes for the day (changes slightly daily).

One of the water sports staff, Ronald, gave us a free 30 mins kayak ride if we were to sign up for their Jet Ski package. Though we only tried it on our 2nd last day and Ronald wasn't there, his colleague willingly gave us the same offer.

The turquoise waters were gorgeously clear. The depth was about 10metres.

Learning the ropes in preparation of the adrenaline pumping Jet Skiing experience. The Jet Ski went up to 28km/hr before it became rather uncontrollable in the choppy waters.

My dear too had a go at riding the waves.

Some Japanese guys, probably filming a television programme, standing at the breakwaters of the private beach. The boat in the background which looks like a pirate ship was chartered by them.