G's Travelogy (Uncut, Uncensored, Unrated): Survivor Philippines - Part 1/3 (The Bad)

While I didn't win a million bucks, I did lose close to 3,000 pesos, around S$90.

My colleague had informed me of Tiger Airways 1-for-1 air tickets to a few destinations earlier this year, I believe was in March. The promotion was opened only for about a week or so, so we had to make a decision quick. We were choosing between Boracay and Cebu, both destinations in the Philippines, but decided to settle for Cebu because it seemed from online sources that Cebu was more laid-back compared to Boracay. Boracay had more nightlife but there was this particular island, Malapascua Island which seemed like a paradise worth traveling to... And it was closer to Cebu than Boracay, less commercialized, more gorgeous. Well at least that was what my research promised.

The Philippines is comprised of many islands and from what we heard from, Palawan and Coron Islands are beach paradises as well.

I had arranged for a pickup from Mactan International Airport and trusted the resort to give competitive rates, furthermore I believed it to be a safer option. I was wrong, terribly wrong on both accounts.

Not only did we "willingly" overpaid by about S$30-40, they subjected us to the "wolves" of Malapascua Island, the 3Js whom so happily cornered us on their boat into agreeing to pay for their "personalised" tours.

When we first reached what we thought was Maya Port, it was like no other ports we've seen. There wasn't a platform leading out to sea where their boats docked, instead, there was just a breakwater leading out, where our personal pump boat was waiting for us. The pump boat is their traditional Philippines fishing boat, fortified and stabilised by bamboo poles at the sides. When we alighted at the "port", drop off point to be more accurate, we were approached by a few locals, one carried the luggages for us, another "welcoming" us and leading us to our boat.

After boarding, we were told we had to tip the guy (illegal porter) who carried our luggages, while at the start, they told us to hand over our luggages to this guy cos they said it's dangerous to be carrying it by ourselves while walking over the rocky breakwater to our boat.

With a lack of a better word, I shall call it Cheat 1. Ka-chink, cheat 1 clocked. I asked how much the tip was to be, they said "Up to me", with 4 pairs of local eyes glaring at my hands when I took out the smallest change I could find... 50 pesos (which is a lot, that I learned only after the trip).

Not long after we left the "port", ok, perhaps I shall explain the inverted commas with the port before carrying on. We signed up for a group Kalanggaman Islet trip the following day, and the boat docked at some bustling port. After speaking to a local couple, we realised that was the official Maya Port. Our so called "port" was fake, so fake that the "demand" for luggage carrying was created to rip tourists of their small change. Maya port had passenger-friendly routes to actually board and alight a pump boat, not like the fake-port which required us to walk a rocky path to our boat.

I'm not sure if it was because Tepanee Beach Resort have a private beach, and the fake-port was of a closer proximity to it, but regardless, no matter how I look at it, if it's true, then they were merely trying to save petrol, and not just that, they ripped us off of tips that we had no choice but to give.

Cheat 2, coming up. While on board, the "co-ordinator" tried to psycho us into getting their service the next day, repeatedly telling us that they offered the best rates on the island. We get to have a personal boat to bring us to 4 tourists hotspots around the island. They quoted us 1,000 pesos per pax, which kinda seem reasonable at that time, but realised later the next day that the market rate was 800 pesos (quoted to locals).

Well, it's actually not that bad rite? 200 pesos? But they said we had to pay extra for lunch, 1,000pesos total, and they would buy us 1kg of fish, chicken, coke, sprite drinks etc. Since the tour was supposed to end around noon, we thought why not? So total damage, 3000 pesos. I think the 800 pesos quoted to the locals were inclusive of food already.

Since we kinda "willingly" agreed to it, I guess we can't complain about that, even though we were kinda cornered and felt pressurised on board since there were only 2 of us and 3 of them. We don't know what they would do if things got nasty. That was what instigated them to abuse the situation the next day when during the start of our private tour, one of them came up to me and told me that I had to pay an additional 300 pesos for food because they bought a lot. I mean, wtf right? They jacked up the price even during the actual day and even after the price had already been decided on.

I was analysing the situation, I mean, I wasn't given much option to insist otherwise since we haven't even started the tour! Same situation, 3 of them, 2 of us. I believe they came up with such a stunt because of an unfortunate incident that morning. I broke down my big notes into smaller ones at the receptionist, and it just so happened one of them say me doing that. Btw their names all started with Js, so I shall call them the 3Js, Jo-Jo, JR and J-sumthing (Boatman). We mixed mostly with Jo-Jo and JR.

Well everything happens for a reason. If it was so coincidental that JR saw what he saw just so that he could plot and rip us off further, then perhaps its God's way of telling me I need to get this out to the masses, expose their modus operandi so that tourists won't end up like me.

They spoke their native language, which looked like they were sneakily discussing about the money I changed that morning... and plotting of how to rip me off. At the end of the day, when all I had was 500 pesos, and I asked for change, Jo-Jo hesitated (he was torn being doing the right thing), while JR said they didn't have (straight off lowlife cheatster).

So I told them I'll get back to the resort and break down the notes further. JR used his psychological puppy tone and said "You won't even give us 200 pesos as tips?" I thought "Hell no", but decided to give in because due to the exclusivity of our interactions till then, I couldn't assess if it was "safe" to offend them.

I was right, in a way. Because I found out during the next few days during our stay there that the boat touters were all more or less related to one another. However, not all of them belonged to the "cheaters pack".

I met 2 of JR's cousins, btw JR's the scheming one, young, scheming and foolish. Which he would come to know in the next few days because after the entire incident, I told myself that I would not be cheated by him again. So much so that I unintentionally enrolled myself into playing Survivor Philippines. A local couple we met on the group tour to Kalanggaman Islet even feedback that they were so shocked to see that I know almost practically everyone on the island (that's an exaggeration of course, but I did indeed know most of the members of the cheat pack, and of course a few good, honest souls as well.)

We were also initially quoted 9,000 pesos for a private tour to Kalanggaman Islet, and after rejected the offer, JR lowered to 7,000, to which I thought to myself, "Darn, kana torked (cheated) already, should have bargained for the private island tour." Eventually, we only paid 1,000 pesos per pax (meals included) for the group tour to Kalanggaman.

As for Cheat 3, that'll have to wait for our trip to Bohol, when we're back in Mactan. *takes a deep breath to purge the anger out...*

Btw there's not much to do in Malapascua, unless you're a diver. We didn't get to see thresher sharks, which Malapascua is known for, because we had to travel far out and from what we heard, can only be seen in deeper waters. And so we spend our first full afternoon at a bar wondering what to do next, which resulted in us deciding to sign up for the Kalanggaman Islet day trip the next day. Kalanggaman Islet is a small private island near Leyte, and is best known for its extending sand dunes. That, is an islet worth going for.

The island day trip was half a day, while the Kalanggaman trip took a full day due to the 4 hours travelling time to and fro to the islet.

We were promised 4 tourists spots. 2 of which were kinda obvious, but the other 2, were rather dubious. The first site we went was a snorkelling spot, where Jo-Jo went down with us to feed the fishes. However, we were the only ones there, and if I'm not mistaken, he said that spot was the Coral Garden, which was kinda dubious. I didn't get to see much, Jo-Jo was so self-absorbed in asking me to take photos of him that he was oblivious about my dear struggling with her snorkelling mask. I was quite irritated in fact, because instead of helping, he kept asking me to look at him under water, and look at him feeding fishes, most of the bread which he took he fed them himself. He only passed a small half to me and my dear.

Oh, they had also promised us life jackets but that morning, asked if we were ok to not have them because their life jackets were stolen the night before. How convenient. They eventually went over to another boat to transfer 2 ancient-looking life jackets that were... faulty... Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant... Another strike out...

The 2nd site, we docked at a shore, some beach with a "cave", where they whooped up a BBQ lunch for us. I could see the Malapascua lighthouse in the distance, about 400-600m away, and we swam there for about 20mins or so. I believe that should be at/near Guimbitayan Beach. While the waters were clear, we freaked out when we saw a jellyfish. I asked Jo-Jo about jellyfishes and he said don't worry, there isn't any. When I told him I just saw one, he looked rather taken aback and asked about its color - whether it was black or white. I said brown, which was what I saw, not trying to be funny, and he said don't worry, it's not poisonous. For all we know, whichever color we said he would have assured us it was safe...

My dear and I had all along thought all jellyfishes were poisonous, just a matter of how deadly they were. We were sceptical, so we still kept our distance from them. There weren't many, about 3 in total, but they were sparsely floating around so we had to keep an eye for them. True enough, I've just did my research and all jellyfishes are poisonous, while their stings may vary from no effect to death. I was sure the innocent looking jellyfish we saw weren't deadly, but was still capable of stinging us.

Jo-Jo even proclaimed that he was a dive master... well even if he was, he was not only an uninformed one, he was an uncaring one to say the least. I held back disclosing that I was an advanced diver even though they asked cos I wanted to see if they would take advantage of us, not sure how that would happen but I was sure disclosing too much to dishonest people would have its adverse repercussions.

The food that they "whooped" up wasn't a lot. I didn't see 1kg of chicken, what a fool they must have thought us to be. It was like 250g tops. Lotsa fish, Barracuda, perhaps close to a kg, but definitely not the chicken. They probably stash it somewhere for their own consumption later. How did I know that? Was I overthinking stuff or was it a fact? It was a fact because that was exactly what they did the next day, during our group tour. I had gone back for seconds, and found very little food left. That was when JR's cousin, Tong (new guy), came up to me, in a whispering tone, and told me that if I want more food, I can go around back (some sheltered hut away from the eating area) to get it.

...1,300pesos worth of food... yah right...

Anyways, we also passed by this 40-foot cliff diving site, like passing through Clarke Quay's reverse bungy on a boat tour of Singapore River and calling that one of the main attractions.

The only saving grace for the island tour was the Japanese Shipwreck, or Japanese Wreck Marine Sanctuary. I thought it was lame initially, based on the pictures, cos it didn't look like a Japanese ship, and true enough, the "official" name for it didn't have the "ship" word. It was just loosely used by the locals to "con" tourists there. Still, it was quite interesting to see what looked like a 30-man sampan sunk to the bottom of the ocean. It was split into half, with both sides enclosing the marine sanctuary. We saw many divers there, and that, we were sure, was one of the tourist attractions of Malapascua Island.

The tour was supposed to last from 8am-12pm... and we ended at 11.30am. Not only did the 3Js cheat us, they also short-changed us. It was such a bad experience that I started to feel that Philippines had nothing to offer. Yes, it was that bad. That bad taste in the mouth that lingers, and lingers, and lingers.

Coupled with the boredom we experienced that afternoon... I was almost regretting going to the Philippines. Also, I was super paranoid about going there cos of some kidnappings which occurred last year. And I had thought the typhoons were the most worrying. Kidnappings and the cheaters we can't shake off... geeze.

But once I started "playing the game", everything took a turn for the better.

A Jeepney, Philippines public transport equivalent to our buses here in Singapore. Heard it cost around 18-20 pesos to ride on, you just need to flag it and ask if they're going to your destination.